Meet the Autoblow Lady.

She travels around the ‘burb’s in her little Autoblow van in her cute Autoblow costume and offers you the choice of a hand job, using her big red autolubing glove – or a blowjob, using her big blue Autoblow Blast.

All you have to do is lie back while she strokes away – or gently lubes you up until you’re ready to bust, and then slides the Autoblow Blast over your cock and holds it in palce while you feel the earth move. Of course if you want to take it slow she can just kneel adoringly at your feet holding the machine in place and talk to you about a whole range of subjects that interest you.

Our girls have a working knowledge of steam trains, hot rods, drill bits, golf irons, and specially for nerds, coin collections and graphic cards. That’s right, as you sit there getting blown to paradise, this incredibly cute babe is talking to you about a Wilson no. 3 golfing iron or a GE Force GTX 260 graphics card, right up until the moment when you just can’t hold back any longer.

Of course, if you want her to talk dirty, you just have to say. She can have you panting in seconds flat while she tells you in exquisite detail what she would like you to do to her. In reality you can’t do anything to her, but with the Autoblow at full steam, the imagination is a very powerful thing.

Should your wife or partner return right in the middle of the session, your Autoblow lady has been trained to offset any potential annoyance or embarrassment by striking up a casual girlie conversation with your loved one. It’s amazing how a couple of kind comments about a hairstyle, a new dress or even a neat parallel park can put the smile back on a woman’s face, even when confronted with a situation of which she may not approve.

It’s not necessary for you to try and explain, let your Autoblow lady handle the situation, you just grunt and nod, and close your eyes.

She’ll explain that she is not remotely attracted to you and that men are just pigs for blowjobs and/or handjobs, and that while she can see that this cosy little situation could be open to misinterpretation, she’d sooner lick razor blades than sleep with you. Hell, by the time she’s finished, she’ll be staying for dinner and the two girls will be comparing lipstick shades while you settle back with a huge smile on your face to watch the football.

Well that’s the theory behind the service. The reality may be a little different.

www.roboticblowjob.com

If you’ve long harboured the sneaking suspicion that there is more to life than just riding a go job machine, it’s time you discovered the ultimate blowjob machine.  Just think what you’ll save on gas.

And get this, if you’ve always longed for that lovely brown eyed babe from human resources to be on the back of your go job machine, her little skirt flapping in the wind and her soft thighs wrapped round your butt, with the blowjob machine she’s right there with you, and her hands are all over your aching cock. Now she’s wrapping her lips round you and deep throating you. How often does that happen on your go job machine?

Ok we’ll stop there and park that thought with you.  Whoops, don’t mention parking!

Test drive the fully automatic hands free Autoblow Blast. Visit www.roboticblowjbcom.

A New Jersey company says it has developed “the world’s first sex robot,” a life-size rubber doll that’s designed to engage the owner with conversation rather than lifelike movement.

At a demonstration at the Adult Entertainment Expo in Las Vegas, the dark-haired, negligee-clad robot said “I love holding hands with you” when it sensed that its creator touched its hand.

Another action, this one unprintable, elicited a different vocal response from Roxxxy the robot. The level of sophistication demonstrated was not beyond that of a child’s talking toy, but Roxxxy has a lot more brains than that – there’s a laptop connected to cables coming out of her back. Roxxxy has touch sensors at strategic locations and can sense when it’s being moved. But she cannot move on her own, not even to turn her  head or move her lips. The sound comes out of an internal loudspeaker.

Douglas Hines, founder of Lincoln Park, N.J.-based True Companion LLC, said Roxxxy can carry on simple conversations. The real aim, he said, is to make the doll someone the owner can talk to and relate to. Sex only goes so far – then you want to be able to talk to the person,” Hines said.

The phrases that were demonstrated were pre-recorded, but the robot will also be able to synthesize phrases out of –pre-recorded words and sounds, Hines said. The laptop will receive updates over the Internet to expand the robot’s capabilities and vocabulary. Since Hines is a soccer fan, it can already discuss Manchester United, he said. It snores, too.

Owners will also be able to select different personalities for Roxxxy, from “Wild Wendy” to “Frigid Farrah,” Hines said. He’s charging somewhere from $7,000 to $9,000 for the robot, including the laptop, and expects to start shipping in a few months.

The only problem with all this is that when Hines gave a demonstration of her capabilities at the AVN Expo, a lot of the time she simply did not respond at all, and sat there open mouthed looking gormless.

Hines tried to elicit a response from her by playing with her vagina, but she said nothing. When you consider the cost, and the fact that Roxxxy really looks no better than a seated mannequin, and at best sounds a little deranged, you’re better off saving your money and investing in a pocket pussy. Then you won’t have to talk to it afterwards.

The site is strictly for married couples. How exactly you prove you are married short of scanning in and sending them your marriage certificate is not made clear. The second rule about the website, there is no naughty language at all. Products which are designed for stimulation of the genitals are referred to very carefully as massagers and left pretty much to your imagination. Best sellers include the Hot Heart Massager, which appears to get warm and then you just glide it over your back, feet and arms.

They also supply cock rings, but there is no mention of a cock anywhere in sight. It’s referred to as a disposable vibrating ring. The Senso sleeve is a penis sleeve referred to as a sleeve which adds extra girth. In fact the only mention of the word ‘penis’ anywhere on the site is the Happy Penis Cream, which is a tingly lube you rub on your cock.

It begs the question though, if you are not going to go to hell in a hand cart for selling sex toys, why would you face any further damnation by simply mentioning the genitals and what the products are designed to do? You can be precise and yet polite at the same time. Delicately skirting the issue just seems way too twee.

Book 22 is not the place to look if you are planning on plumping for a pocket pussy. That’s because there aren’t any. There are several vibrators for women, but presumably a pocket pussy would be seen as some sort of extra marital sex toy which could lead to infidelity with a piece of plastic.

There is however Head Candy. ‘Head Candy will allow you to administer pleasure like never before.’ ‘Administer pleasure’ sounds way too much like a hospital enema. What they really mean is it feels good when you’re giving or getting a blowjob.

All items you receive from Book 22 come polybagged without the original packaging depicting nude or semi nude models on them. If they can’t be poly-bagged, inappropriate packaging is removed. The inference is if you’re going to buy sex toys fine, but you are not going to feast your eyes on that sinful human body.

And just in case you are wondering why Book 22 – it’s the Book of Rhapsody.